Stupid Drunk Things I Said On Valentine's Day

I was supposed to have a very pleasant hetero-dinner date with my roommate on Valentine's Day.  I had a hankering for a burger; he had a hankering to get drunk.  Two peas, we are.

Just a couple'a bro's having dinner together, sharing feelings and talkin' about life, ya know?

However, none of that happened. 

After deciding it would make the most sense to stop into the bar on the way to our burger-beer, single dude-palooza to, "just have a couple," we kind of unconsciously decided that food was a nuisance and SHOTS!

Then drunk things happened.

Here are some of the things that I said last night:

At Soda Popinsky’s

Me: I like your shirt
Girl: Why, because it’s see through?
Me: What? No! I just like the shiny things (awkward silence)

At Zeki’s

Me: Hey, this is a little weird, and I don’t really know how to say this, but did I see you on Tinder today?
Girl: What? Are you serious? Who put you up to this?

Behind the bar at Zeki’s

Me: (to a woman who revealed she was in body waxing school) I think I’d be really uncomfortable with you waxing my junk

Again at Zeki’s

Me: (after walking to a table of three women with a rose in my mouth) I brought you this rose because the bartender said she’d give me a shot if I did

Girl: Oh.  Why would you say that?