Door Guy Chronicles - 3/23/2013

My first weekend back at the bar since the bachelor party in Arizona, and for the first time in I think ever, time actually flew by while standing and watching other people get fucked up.  Having something I actually gave a shit about watching on the TV always helps, so the weekend’s NCAA tournament games were much welcomed (despite the fact that the only person I’m beating in the tournament pool is the guy who picked teams based on who he thought would have the most black guys – UCLA over Minnesota, for example). 

The other thing that helps time go by is showing up 30 minutes late and high as balls.  That’s what I did Saturday.

Sure, I got my wrist slapped a teensy bit, but it was worth it.  I enjoyed my night and it really helped mellow out the buzz I had from drinking the five previous hours.  That is, as we call it in the business, dedication to the craft.

Like I said, it was a lovely weekend:

• Because of the NCAA tournament, I’ve noticed people seem to be a little extra collegiate.  Somewhere in conversation someone asked me where I went to school and did that whole fake interested thing, just waiting for their turn to talk again.  So when I said San Francisco State, the person said what all new-jack assholes say, “I mean, that’s basically not even San Francisco, right?”  Don’t be this person.  San Francisco State was established in 1899, the Sunset IS San Francisco; you got here a couple years ago - Scoreboard
  
• I’m always secretly embarrassed for people who have birthdays in the 1990’s.  There was a group of about 20 of these people who showed up together, and all but two or three of them had ID’s that were cracked down the middle.  I know what it looks like when people use their ID to try and pick a lock or open a door, but I have no idea what causes this.  I hope I’ve stumbled upon some new drug fad thing the kids are all doing
• I saw a platinum blonde asian girl.  You don’t NOT notice something like this
• A dude came up to me and said his boyfriend was a 28-year-old law school student who didn’t have his ID, asking if I could make an exception and let him in.  Knowing exactly what my friend Tommy would say, I put the law student on the spot and asked, with what he knows about the law, should I let him in without ID.  He dejectedly said no, I shouldn’t.  I was going to let him in either way, but I really appreciated the honesty
• Learned that one of our regulars used to be a tour manager for Janis Joplin and The Grateful Dead.  This is the type of shit I love about San Francisco
• I love when our bartender from Pacifica has his friends come in.  There’s something great about the way bay kids getting hyphee can loosen up a crowd and liven things up a bit
• The scent of bacon wrapped hot dogs was looming - such a beautiful thing.  I’ve been calling them “Club Dogs” forever because they always have ‘em outside of clubs.  Is this a thing? Do other people call them “Club Dogs?”

Listening Party for Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Albums of All Time

SXSW, the annual clusterfuck of musical hedonism in Texas is in a couple weeks and I'm not going this year.  Although I'm about a thousand times less butthurt about it than I should be, I still can't help but feeling a little like the 5th grader who can't go to the birthday party at Scandia.

In some ways, as a pseudo-journalist, the buildup to SXSW was my favorite part.  Researching artists, creating calendars, writing previews, RSVP'ing to parties; the preparation only further stoked the fires of excitement.

So this year, although I'm still getting a lot of the same emails, seeing the once exciting/now annoying Twitter updates and seeing all the tour schedules that all lead to Austin, I don't get to participate in much of the buildup that crescendo's at the end of the month.

In lieu of all that stuff I have decided to try and listen to all 500 of Rolling Stone's "500 Greatest Albums of All Time." (Article Here)

Not all at once, of course.  I don't want this to be a chore.  So I will be biting off a chunk of five, starting at #500, every couple days.  Lastly, I will provide a growing Spotify playlist with one of my favorite tracks from each album and leave a quick thought on each album in a posting kinda like this one.


500-496
500 - Outkast: "Aquemini" (1998) - Andre 3000 seems way harder in 1998 than he does now.  The skits are too long.  More Goodie Mob please.

499 - B.B. King: "Live in Cook County Jail" (1971) - Phenomenal recording quality, songs about boning, awesome.

498 - The Stone Roses: "The Stone Roses" (1989) - This must have been some cutting-edge shit in 1989.  Not gonna pretend I've been up on The Stone Roses or anything, but this album has an interesting jam-out element, very much a "festival band."  They will be great at Coachella.

497 - The White Stripes: "White Blood Cells" (2001) - The first half of the album rules; I kinda got bored by the end.

496 - Boz Scaggs: "Boz Scaggs" (1969) - Totally underrated.  I can see why every aging hippie burnout talks about Boz Scaggs.  Definitely belongs in your "classic rock" database.

Door Guy Chronicles - 3/2/13

Sometimes nothing really exciting or noteworthy happens on a given weekend.

I guess that's just going to happen.

No drunk falls, no exposed insecurities, no tears; hell, not even a funny joke. And that's totally ok.  Sometimes the things we should be noticing aren't going to be so obvious.  Obvious is usually tacky and only occasionally funny. 

Nevertheless, I've noticed a few things about the world of bouncing that may not seem obvious right away.  I'm starting to recognize patron archetypes; the random dude that's going to want to bro-down with me, the uptight white chick in her Tory Burches or the "what? I can't drink outside?" dude--probably the most conflicting one to deal with because I have been that dude as recent as this week.

Point is, the little things, they matter people.

• Saw an unusual amount of people who were born on 9/11...bummer dudes
• You can make any serious conversation between two German speakers sound like they are planning a "revolution"
• Since part of my job is doing "the Charlie work" I've come to hate engagement parties of all shapes and sizes.  All the nonsense party accessories are an amazing pain in the ass to clean after soaking in booze for five hours.  And no one ever asks me if I want a cupcake.  I really think my ability to "mouth" any-sized cupcake in one bite is going severely unnoticed.
• Saw an Indian dude walk up to a group of people outside the bar and ask for a cigarette using the line, "I love Jews, I'm from LA, I'm totally a 'Hin-Jew'" (pause, pause, pause aaaand silence).
• A girl and my bar manager having a conversation that went like this:
• Girl: so, the truth is there's another guy
  Boss: what!
  Girl: I mean, we haven't been romantic or anything...
  Boss: so just like, BJ's then? (completely serious)