Monday, March 4, 2013

Door Guy Chronicles - 3/2/13

Sometimes nothing really exciting or noteworthy happens on a given weekend.

I guess that's just going to happen.

No drunk falls, no exposed insecurities, no tears; hell, not even a funny joke. And that's totally ok.  Sometimes the things we should be noticing aren't going to be so obvious.  Obvious is usually tacky and only occasionally funny. 

Nevertheless, I've noticed a few things about the world of bouncing that may not seem obvious right away.  I'm starting to recognize patron archetypes; the random dude that's going to want to bro-down with me, the uptight white chick in her Tory Burches or the "what? I can't drink outside?" dude--probably the most conflicting one to deal with because I have been that dude as recent as this week.

Point is, the little things, they matter people.
  • Saw an unusual amount of people who were born on 9/11...bummer dudes
  • You can make any serious conversation between two German speakers sound like they are planning a "revolution"
  • Since part of my job is doing "the Charlie work" I've come to hate engagement parties of all shapes and sizes.  All the nonsense party accessories are an amazing pain in the ass to clean after soaking in booze for five hours.  And no one ever asks me if I want a cupcake.  I really think my ability to "mouth" any-sized cupcake in one bite is going severely unnoticed.
  • Saw an Indian dude walk up to a group of people outside the bar and ask for a cigarette using the line, "I love Jews, I'm from LA, I'm totally a 'Hin-Jew'" (pause, pause, pause aaaand silence).
  • A girl and my bar manager having a conversation that went like this:
    • Girl: so, the truth is there's another guy
      Boss: what!
      Girl: I mean, we haven't been romantic or anything...
      Boss: so just like, BJ's then? (completely serious)

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