One of the perks of being a doorguy is that my bar floats me two complimentary drinks every time I walk in the door. Whether I'm working or pleasuring. Yeah. So last weekend I came to the realization that, even though having a couple drinks on the job sounds great, it's actually kind of a bummer when you have to quit drinking before you're good and ready. Shocking, I know.
But to be clear, what makes it less than ideal is not that I'm a lushy drink-monger(I am) who can't stop pouring booze in my head-hole(I can), it's that after having a few drinks and then stopping, I turn into a yawn monster and get Walter Mathau-cranky.
But I have a simple solution. Real simple actually.
Don't have that first drink 11:30pm. Easy.
Get a buzz(it's usually more than just those two drinks), and close the bar down like a happy dwarf doing Snow White's bitch-work.
Now the notable and weird:
- Some dude said I looked like Jed York, he had worked for him(so he KNOWS!); I hugged him and told him it was the best compliment I'd ever received. Not 100% serious, but not 100% NOT serious either.
- Some chick asked me why everyone was drinking Olympia so I told her it's because it was on special. Thinking she was looking for a recommendation, she then asked me what I thought of the beer, and I candidly remarked that I thought it was awful. Her response: "Wow, I'm insulted." Me: (puzzled, drunk, exhausted). Her: "I work for them and I am insulted." Me: I'd rather have a Bud Light (leaves).
- 30 minutes later, as she was closing out her tab and leaving, she confronted me outside. She asked if I had put a Bud Light on her tab "just to be a funny guy" - said in that sarcastic, C word-y kind of way. I simply responded that I didn't even know who she was, probably only because I had hit the wall of exhaustion and couldn't come up with anything snarky or cutting.
- Heard four or five future-drug transactions around the front of the bar: "dude, call your dude"-"did you call your guy yet?"-"dude, my guy hasn't texted me back, why don't you call YOUR guy?" There are certain things you're supposed to be cool about. Drugs are one of them. San Francisco mid 20-something's are the worst at being cool at just about everything.
- A girl puked on the floor and felt so bad she offered to pay me $20. I felt bad for HER feeling bad and told her just to buy me a shot.
- Walking into the bar, some girl said to her airhead friend: "show the bouncer your ID." She immediately stopped and genuinely asked with concern if the proper term was "bouncer" or "doorguy," and which made me more comfortable. Chuckle. Only in San Fran-effing-Cisco.
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